Searching for a tribe

Have you ever stopped to notice how freaking hard it is to make friends as an adult? Seriously. Adults do lame adulty shit. I'm not going to be able to make a friend in line at the Grocery Store (or can I? I have spent some serious time in them before). When I get a new driver's license? Puh-lease.

Lately, I've been hung up on "finding a tribe". I was challenged on this last week. What is a tribe? I was asked by a friend. I froze. Um, people. Hanging out. Stuffs.  Hell, what am I looking for?!

Google came to my rescue yet again, ish. It was what I was afraid of.

tribe

trīb/

noun

1. 1.

   a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader.

   "indigenous Indian tribes"

   synonyms:

   ethnic group, people, band, nation; More
2. 2.

   BIOLOGY

   a taxonomic category that ranks above genus and below family or subfamily, usually ending in -ini (in zoology) or -eae (in botany).

I'm not interested in finding a group with a leader. Ugh, let's get away from that. Leader to me is one of those really hard words. Leader in a classroom, or social club for kids- awesome. Leader at work can be awesome or total shit. But to voluntarily sign up seek out a group of people where there is a Leader...? Fuck that, get me out. Why? Because I'm a "natural leader". I tend to take charge and make a lot of decisions. I do that at work, I do that for volunteer work. I don't want to do that with friendships... or "community".

Being married for so long, I didn't realize that it came with a side perk of a "built in community". You're married? We are married. Let's do married things together (um, not like that. Ever. I mean Play Trivial Pursuit on a Friday night because we have to mow the lawn on Saturday morning early).  Being a divorced lady, I have another community, but it's one I don't fit completely into. My therapist keeps encouraging me to go to divorce events, but am I wrong thinking it is a huge circle of people crying like a Lifetime Movie? I don't know. Where do you make friends? If you are in college, don't bother. I know, you go to bars. Where do adults make friends?

This is more of a rant post than anything funny or informative. And don't worry, friends from College. I am not giving up on this whole "growing and moving ahead" thing. Just a stalled out moment to bitch. This isn't a glamorous blog. This isn't going to be a place for you to expand your mind. This is real, gritty, and honest.

 

 

 

A Year of Nicky

Lately my few friends have been declaring this is the "Year of {insert their names here}" and I've been thinking, why the fuck can't it be the year of Nicky. So, here we go. The year of Nicky.

Ugh, but what does that even mean? A year of Nicky... Like I'm the Queen? Move over Elizabeth. Oh, right, I need to get married (hahaha) to a royal d-bag for that. Year of Nicky. I think that sounds like a Chinese place mat at a restaurant that gives you the shits.

Ok, So, I'm in charge around here. Year of Nicky. Year of doing the shit I want, when I want, and how I want. Yeah, year of nicky... get my shit together. Not like Julie Andrews get my shit together. More like Tina Fey in 30 Rock... I need to Liz Lemon this mess.

1. Get a grip on adulting
    So, I'm 28 ish (kind of a lie. I'm closer to 30.) and this shit is HARD. I remember being in college and talking to my friends about how we couldn't wait to get the hell out of school and become adults and make the billions of dollars we'd planned on. Um, so there was a little mishap and I didn't find that one. I'm living a different adult life. And, it isn't quite what I wanted. I need to get a grip on how to Successfully Adult. Winning at Being a Bill Payer. Something like that. What does that shit even look like? Smiling while I eat a Totino's pizza and paying bills. Um, hell no.

2. Make Adulty Friends
   I grew up in a different state than where I live now. I miss those people DAILY, text or talk to them a few thousand times a day (here's looking at you, J and L). But, I need to find some new friends.
  I think I've come to grips with the reality that finding friends as an adult is awkward. When I was in college I made friends based on classes and drink preferences. "You like Woodchuck? I like Woodchuck! Let's drink!" "You think you dance like Beyonce, I channel her! Slut, let's drink!"  "You hate that Professor, me too! Let's drink!"
    I've tried Meet-ups, and I've met people. Some of them are super cool and I could be friends with, some of them are asshats and I don't want to see again. Either way, year of nicky includes more friends.

3. Find a good wine.
    Why the F is it so hard to find a good wine? I live in a state that decides when and what I can drink, which is massive bullshit. I need to find a good one, and then buy a years worth. Because, part of Mastering Adulthood includes drinking wine and being classy, and shit.

4. Write a Real Resume
   Part of adulting includes using words like "cultivate" and "organize" on a resume... and meaning it. I have a "grown up job" but those are words that NEVER come out of my mouth. Unless it's in a shitty comment about slut shaming somebody I don't know or like. "Oh, I bet she cultivates all of that with her mouth!"

5. Getting rid of the piles
   What are the piles? Oh, well, it's not whatever you're thinking, sicko.
   Piles. Laundry Piles. The clean pile, the dirty pile, and the I-don't-know-whether-this-shit-is-clean but-it-looks-good-enough-to-pass pile. I would prefer to hire a very happy grandma-y house keeper, but, until then, I need to figure out how to get the motivation to hang shit up.
  The other piles are of shit on counters. These all have the same name "I don't want to deal with this shit" pile. I have the piles.

So, this is the year of Nicky. I hope you will plan on celebrating the fuck out of this year with me. How should we kick start this bitch? By drinking some wine and watching TV. Part of adulting will be overcoming the lazy. But, let's start that tomorrow.